The South Carolina woman who gouged her eyes out while in a crystal meth-induced psychotic state is speaking out on why she did it.
On February 6, Kaylee Muthart, 20, was found with her eyes ripped out of her head outside of outside of South Main Chapel and Mercy Center. She fought off help from the locals and had to be sedated by paramedics before she was flown to the Greenville Memorial Hospital trauma unit.
Doctors were unable to reattach her eyes and and was forced to tell Muthart's mother, Katy Tompkins, her daughter had become completely blind.
After a month-long stay at the hospital and a psychiatric facility, Muthart was finally released on March 1, where she returned to her mother's house. She said while it's an adjustment to living without sight, it's significantly better than living on drugs.
"It’s the same life, but I’m just learning everything in a new way,” Muthart told PEOPLE. “Life’s more beautiful now, life’s more beautiful than it was being on drugs. It is a horrible world to live in."
Muthart said she started smoking pot when she was 18 years old, but because she suspected she was prone to addiction, she tried to stay away from hard drugs.
She said when she was 19, she was given marijuana that was laced with either cocaine or meth. Furious at the person she thought was her friend, she quit her job and to distance herself from negative influences.
"I was surprised, since I’d never perceived weed as a gateway drug, but here I was, being exposed to substances I never wanted in my life," Muthart told Cosmopolitan.
"Because I'd gotten the pot from the friend I smoked with, I felt like he'd betrayed me and left my job to distance myself from him. I didn't end up going back to school," she added.
However, Muthart's relationship with her boyfriend of two years started to deteriorate, and she began feeling isolated and lonely. When she started her new job, another employee convinced her to smoke meth for the first time.
“I took a video while I was on it, and I had been up three days straight,” she told PEOPLE. “I eventually got taken home and got sober and watched the videos, and put that person out of my life and stopped using the drug.”
It wouldn't be long until she relapsed and the addiction began to take over her life. Even though Muthart lost her job, she said she misinterpreted the Bible, and believed using meth would make her closer to God.
But, her addiction would all come to a head when she hallucinated outside of the church. Sadly, during that time, her mother was on her way to court to get her daughter forcefully committed to a rehab facility.
Muthart said she believed God told her sacrifice her eyes for the good of mankind.
"It was scary, I didn’t understand what God wanted of me, but it made me feel a sense of righteousness that I had to be the one to do it,” she said. “And I was glad to do it because I’ve always had a big heart and nobody’s ever giving me that love back."
Since then, Muthart said she plans on reconnecting with her faith while blind but sober.
"I’m learning Genesis to build my foundation,” she explained. “When I do something, I go big or go home… obviously. Humor is something that gets me by, laughing, music, that day itself."
Muthart said while it'll take her a while to fully be comfortable living without sight, she plans on keeping herself busy by becoming a public speaker for the Commission for the Blind and educate those about the dangers of drugs.
She plans on attending 90 Narcotics Anonymous meetings, and raise enough money for a seeing eye dog through her GoFundMe page.
"Of course there are times when I get really upset about my situation, particularly on nights when I can't fall asleep. But truthfully, I'm happier now than I was before all this happened. I'd rather be blind than dependent on drugs," she expressed to Cosmopolitan.
"It took losing my sight to get me back on the right path, but from the bottom of my heart, I'm so glad I'm here."